Talking with your team at a tech company can sometimes feel like fixing a bug—you think you explained everything clearly, but someone still gets confused. Suddenly, you’re stuck in a loop of clarifications. Misunderstandings happen, but they don’t have to slow down teamwork or cause frustration.
Today, I had an experience that showed me how past conversations can affect how we think and react. Some time ago, my managers told me I needed to improve my communication skills and overcome my language barrier. I took their advice seriously. At the start of the year, I started using different tools and courses to improve. I felt like I had made great progress.
Then, today, something happened that made me doubt myself. I sent a simple message to a coworker: I told her I would reply in an hour on Github and I need to fix a thing during that time and asked her to test the product in a different way. That was it. But when I saw my coworkers reacting with confusion, I felt frustrated. Did I make any progress after a month of working on my skills?
I re-read my message many times, trying to find my mistake. During that time, I sent a few more messages that were not really necessary. But then I realized—the problem was not my message. It was the way I was thinking about the situation.
I always believed that good communication means being able to work with different kinds of people, even those who don’t communicate well. But at that moment, my past conversations with my managers made me feel like I had failed again. I wasn’t just responding to my coworker—I was reacting to my fear that I still wasn’t good enough at communication.
After a few more messages, I understood something important: my coworkers were not confused because my message was unclear. They were confused because they expected something different based on past assumption. Their reaction had nothing to do with my communication skills.
This was a valuable lesson. Past feedback helps us improve, but it should not make us doubt ourselves in every situation. Sometimes, the problem is not in what we say—it’s in how we think about the response we get.
The Science Behind Miscommunication
Misunderstandings don’t just happen because of unclear wording. Cognitive biases and psychological factors play a huge role. Here are a few key concepts that explain why past conversations can cloud new ones:
- Confirmation Bias – We tend to interpret new information in a way that aligns with what we already believe. If someone previously thought a feature was implemented, they may subconsciously reject any message suggesting otherwise.
- Negativity Bias – Our brains are wired to remember negative experiences more strongly than positive ones. If you’ve struggled with communication before, you might assume any confusion means you failed again—even if that’s not the case.
- Cognitive Load Theory – When people are processing too much information at once, they’re more likely to misunderstand details. If a chat is long or involves multiple topics, key points can get lost.
- Shannon-Weaver Communication Model – This classic theory explains that communication isn’t just about sending a message—it’s also about how the receiver decodes it. Factors like noise (distractions, assumptions, or past conversations) can distort meaning.
Here are some practical strategies to prevent misunderstandings caused by past conversations and assumptions:
1. Take a Moment Before Responding
Before jumping into a response, step away for a moment—make a coffee, take a deep breath, or do something unrelated. There’s no need to reply immediately. A brief pause can help you process the situation better and respond with more clarity and patience.
2. Be Clear, But Also Consider the Reader’s Perspective
Sometimes, what’s obvious to you isn’t obvious to others. When pointing out an issue, make sure to provide just enough context to avoid misinterpretation. Instead of saying something broad like “This feature doesn’t exist,” be specific: “We don’t have this functionality on the PHP side yet, but I’m working on it now.”
3. Don’t Let Past Conversations Cloud Your Thinking
If you’ve been given feedback about your communication in the past, don’t let it make you overly self-conscious. Just because you faced a challenge before doesn’t mean you’re making the same mistake again. Each conversation is a fresh start—focus on the present discussion instead of assuming past issues are repeating.
4. Don’t Assume Confusion Means Poor Communication
If someone is confused, it doesn’t always mean you explained it badly. Sometimes, the information itself is surprising or unexpected. Before jumping to conclusions, ask yourself: “Are they confused by what I said, or just surprised by the problem?” That small shift in thinking can prevent unnecessary frustration.
5. Stay Open and Avoid Defensive Responses
When someone asks for clarification, it’s easy to feel like you’re being challenged. But instead of responding with “I don’t know what confused you,” try something like “Let me clarify—here’s what I meant.” A friendly and patient tone makes discussions more productive.
6. Recognize That Improving Communication is a Process
If you’re actively working on your communication skills, don’t be too hard on yourself when misunderstandings happen. Clarity takes practice, and even the best communicators experience occasional misinterpretations. The key is to learn from each conversation and keep refining how you explain things.
Final Thoughts
Work chats should be about collaboration, not confusion. By being precise, considering different perspectives, and keeping a friendly tone, we can all make communication smoother and more effective. Misunderstandings will still happen—but with the right approach, they won’t turn into roadblocks.